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My own Being

Have you ever wondered why you can’t have a long term relationship? For years I struggled to find a guy who would be right for me, and I believed that he was out there somewhere, and I would have met him at some point. After all that is what happens to many people, so nothing strange about that…
Then years went by and I am still on my own. The guys I dated barely left any impression on my mind and I also got tired of this Hunting game.
So one day it all became clear to me. I don’t want a relationship at all. That’s it! It’s that simple…
Now I am at the point in my life where I have reached a certain stability, conquered some main goals, achieved a few rewarding perks. And I don’t ever miss having a boyfriend.
When I was young, I wanted to accomplish a lot of things and everything looked so far and out of reach to me. Finding a boyfriend appeared like the most approachable and manageable possibility of all.
Certainly that wasn’t the case, it turned out! And I’ve moved on, things have changed for me.
So I discovered that a boyfriend isn’t what I need, I care about other things and issues but a family isn’t on my future plans. And most of all, it doesn’t have to be!
Exactly, this question appeared in my mind: How come that everybody thinks they need a partner to be happy or complete? Because that is not the case. Let’s recognize it! We can do a lot for our own well being! And if more people were able to see this reality, I think everybody would be much better off. There would be less problems, tragedies and conflicts everywhere.
In conclusion, my message is for everybody to try and shift the focus on yourself and what you can do to better your life, rather than wanting to change others and what they are, in order to feel better with yourself.

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Healing

In my experience, when I was deeply hurt by other people it always brought a transformative power into my life. Growing up is always a matter of trial and error in order to learn your boundaries and the world limits. That means that there is a lot of changing and moulding happening in life and it doesn’t come easy!
There are no life teachers as far as I know that can prepare you for the roller coaster of growing up; you just have to go out on stage and dance… The biggest changes happened to me through heartbreaks of many sorts, during the healing time that followed them.

The healing period is a very important time that lasts quite long where you don’t just put yourself back together, but also make room for a change in the process. What results after this transformation is a bettered version of yourself, where you have acquired new powers and can now confront certain situations that you didn’t know before. It’s similar to a vaccination process.
Also for what I can tell, the experience of healing is a personal experience: it’s you dealing with it on your own, at your time. Nobody can find a solution for you. It takes time because is your own process that needs to take place, so better to embrace it as much as you can.
It doesn’t feel good when you are in that time of healing, because it usually involves quite a bit of pain and suffering, and it’s hard to get through it. But the transformation is necessary and the gain is worth it.

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…”
― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight

“Even the smallest shift in perspective can bring about the greatest healing.”
― Joshua Kai, The Quantum Prayer: An Inspiring Guide to Love, Healing, and Creating the Best Life Possible

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Normality, conformity and acceptance

People are wired to maintain their balance by avoiding what is diverse and uncomfortable.
This thought helped me understand people that are different from me, because I didn’t use to think like them.
Since I can remember I’ve always been very fascinated by diversity and this distinguished me from the majority of people and the way they think.
So this premise made it difficult for me to relate to most people and to fit in with everybody else.
In any case I don’t feel abnormal or anything of that sort. Only I am wired to think differently than most, probably because as a child I spent a lot of time by my self and that fuelled my imaginative and creative abilities.
Now, I found huge value in my way of thinking – that is when I’ve been allowed to put it in action by a scared conformist world – during my life.
Even then, I came to change my thinking after all because of interactions with people who are different from me that harmed me in a few occasions. And that made me question my view and thoughts.

“You must have wished a million times to be normal.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I’ve wished I had two heads. Or that I was invisible. I’ve wished for a fish’s tail instead of legs. I’ve wished to be more special.”
“Not normal?”
“Never.”
― Katherine Dunn, Geek Love

“Almost everyone prefers normality because normality brings comfort and security. But when you think about it, normality hinders the reason why you are on this earth.”
― Euginia Herlihy

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Fear

Fear is a primal instinct and everybody has some. And for good reasons: everybody should have fears. Because it keeps you alert, ready to react to danger, prepared to overcome undesired situations.
The way to deal with fear is to acknowledge it and do something constructive about it.
In other words, taking charge of your fears. Most of all, this is the premise to being a strong, grounded person.
For me, the moment I became fully aware of this concept meant a significant shift in my life perspective and actualization. Suddenly, my focus became quite more accurate and direct and that has allowed me to refuse the nonsense from my existence.

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Con Man

I met a boy once,

    Who was a con man,

Of course I didn’t know then.

    So he tried to forge my love,

Couldn’t hear the voice of truth,

    Was misleaded by his pursuit.

No good comes from betrayal…

    Judgement takes its course,

Unveils the deceiving force.

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Relief

For years I believed to have found my dream job, the fulfilling job that everyone searches and it’s so difficult to find.
And many people never discover. I am talking about the kind of job that you work so hard to pinpoint and that is the perfect career for you.
It turned out that I wasn’t the right fit for that industry. And I gave it up because that is how things go.
In the end, it wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.

What happened after that it’s the most surprising thing of all: the strongest sense of relief that I have ever felt in my entire life.

“…the habit of falling hardens the body, reaching the ground, to in itself, is a relief.”
— José Saramago (Blindness)

“I felt lighter when I had finished, and for once emptiness was a sweet relief and a condition to be treasured.”
— Rachel Hartman

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Freedom

When living abroad, I realized at some point that freedom is only there for you if you fight for it and it isn’t a given …
It might look like we live in a time where freedom is a conquered and granted right, well that’s not true.
In reality, people are used to give away their freedom, and the responsibility that comes with it, because they don’t know what to do with them.

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.”
― Rosa Luxemburg

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Tell a lie

Many times I was told that I am too honest and direct with people and that it would earn me more enemies than friends in life. So I finally came up with a practice to change that: I try to tell a lie at least once a week. I really have to make an effort to remember this practice and keep it going, but I am pretty confident that I’ll get use to it and will get easier and easier with time. This ‘tell a lie’ exercise is also stimulating my creativity and self-awareness, while having some fun in the process, because often I need to come up with a story and being convincing while doing it. I bet I’ll start seeing some solid results in no time and my brutal honesty will become a memory of the past!

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Cultural Self-Awareness

Being immersed in cultures different from one’s own provides a profound learning experience, and consequentially, new angles for self-observation and self-awareness.
Living in very different countries forced me to a deep revaluation of values and beliefs about self and the world, causing openness to continued learning as a result.

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Self Discovery

“If I were surrounded by people who always approved of me, I wouldn’t need such a deep relationship with my own sense of right and wrong. And you know what that means? It means that other people’s approval is actually a hindrance, more than a helper, when it comes to self-discovery.”
― Vironika Tugaleva